Horrible Horrible day...

I don't know what to do or say...

The day started off good... until my doctors office called and said that they got my 7DPO bw back and my levels were really low (she didn't give me a number), they said that doing another round of Clomid is unlikely to be successful. They want me to have an Ovarian Drilling surgery, within a month. I looked up what the surgery entails and here is what I found:

- Ovarian drilling is a surgery that can trigger ovulation in women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Electrocautery or a laser is used to destroy parts of the ovaries. This surgery is not commonly used. But it can be an option for women who are still not ovulating after losing weight and trying fertility medicines. Ovarian drilling is usually done through small incisions, with general anesthesia. The surgeon makes small incisions in the abdomen at the belly button. The surgeon then places a tube to inflate the abdomen with a small amount of carbon dioxide gas so that he or she can insert the viewing instrument (laparoscope) without damage to the internal organs. The surgeon looks through the laparoscope at the internal organs. Surgical instruments may be inserted through the same incision or other small incisions in the pelvic area.

- Ovarian drilling is sometimes used for women with PCOS who are still not ovulating after trying weight loss and fertility medicine. Destroying part of the ovaries has been reported to restore regular ovulation cycles.-Studies of women with PCOS have shown that ovarian drilling results in an 80% ovulation rate and a 50% pregnancy rate.

- Younger women and those with a body mass index in the normal range are most likely to benefit from laparoscopic ovarian drilling.

I am not crazy about the idea of surgery... but it sounds like it will increase our chances, so I am going to do it. My doctor is scheduling me for an appointment and we are booking the surgery asap.

(the next part may be TMI- if squeemish don't read)...

I was still feeling pretty crappy about the whole idea of surgery this afternoon... and I hadn't been feeling that well all day- I was feeling kinda crampy... well the cramping got worse and I went to the bathroom... only to discover I was bleeding... a fair amount. I called my doctor and she said it could be a few things... an early period, an early miscarriage, or sporadic bleeding... she said to keep my eye on it and if it last more than 5 days and gets heavier to call again... if it goes away after today then its prob just sporadic, unexplained bleeding.

A part of me wondered if it could have been implantation bleeding and cramping, but the nurse said that was unlikely as my beta yesterday didn't show anything... but that was at just 7DPO.

I have cried a lot today... I am beyond frustrated and tired of this shit... Why does it have to be this hard.

I also sometimes feel bad talking to people about it because I hate making people feel awkward and uncomfortable... and I know some people are, they just don't know what to say. I don't want them to say anything- I don't expect anything... just knowing they are there and will listen and be there for me is enough!

I have to run, I am a Girl Guide Troop leader and I am leading tonight's meeting... I will try to block out these cramps...

I will update when I know more....