Big News and New Blog

I am pregnant!! I wrote on here I had to take a break because I wasn't ready for some people IRL who read my blog to know yet... but I believe all of them know now! I put the whole story of my very surprising BFP in the new blog.

My new blog address is: http://ssfreitas.blogspot.com/

Taking A Break

So... after everything we have been through lately... and the surgery coming up June 3rd... we have decided to take a break until then!

No temping, no clomid, no TI... Just taking a break!

I wont be updating my blog until after that :)

Thanks everyone for your support!

No idea whats going on...

I posted earlier saying I was sure it was AF... now I am not sure at all... this is nothing like AF normally is... its almost black... its brutal. The cramping went away for a bit this afternoon and evening with the help of some Tylenol and aspirin... but it is back tonight- bad... I hate it!

So basically I just have no idea what is going on... the more I read online and talk to people it seems like this is an early miscarriage, and the levels might have been too low to pick up on my 7 DPO blood test... but I will never really know...

No idea... sad and confused!

I do want to send a thank you out to all of my close friends and family... as well as my TTTC sister- you guys are amazing- thank you for cheering me up and being so supportive! You all make me feel better in different ways- and it means the world to me! People keep saying I am a strong person to go through this... but I am not, its all of you who are here to support me that let me get through each day and still enjoy life!! Thank you!!

Bad and Good...

So I am still crampy and bleeding... and my temps are down... I think its AF early. We are not going to do meds this month, just wait for my doctor to call and book the surgery.



On a happier note... My aunt sent my flowers to work today with a card that said "Thinking of you, keep up the faith that one day it will happen"... so sweet of her... it made my day... and made me cry. I am really lucky to have such a great family... we are all close, but I am especially close with of few of my aunts!!



Here is a pic of them:

Horrible Horrible day...

I don't know what to do or say...

The day started off good... until my doctors office called and said that they got my 7DPO bw back and my levels were really low (she didn't give me a number), they said that doing another round of Clomid is unlikely to be successful. They want me to have an Ovarian Drilling surgery, within a month. I looked up what the surgery entails and here is what I found:

- Ovarian drilling is a surgery that can trigger ovulation in women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Electrocautery or a laser is used to destroy parts of the ovaries. This surgery is not commonly used. But it can be an option for women who are still not ovulating after losing weight and trying fertility medicines. Ovarian drilling is usually done through small incisions, with general anesthesia. The surgeon makes small incisions in the abdomen at the belly button. The surgeon then places a tube to inflate the abdomen with a small amount of carbon dioxide gas so that he or she can insert the viewing instrument (laparoscope) without damage to the internal organs. The surgeon looks through the laparoscope at the internal organs. Surgical instruments may be inserted through the same incision or other small incisions in the pelvic area.

- Ovarian drilling is sometimes used for women with PCOS who are still not ovulating after trying weight loss and fertility medicine. Destroying part of the ovaries has been reported to restore regular ovulation cycles.-Studies of women with PCOS have shown that ovarian drilling results in an 80% ovulation rate and a 50% pregnancy rate.

- Younger women and those with a body mass index in the normal range are most likely to benefit from laparoscopic ovarian drilling.

I am not crazy about the idea of surgery... but it sounds like it will increase our chances, so I am going to do it. My doctor is scheduling me for an appointment and we are booking the surgery asap.

(the next part may be TMI- if squeemish don't read)...

I was still feeling pretty crappy about the whole idea of surgery this afternoon... and I hadn't been feeling that well all day- I was feeling kinda crampy... well the cramping got worse and I went to the bathroom... only to discover I was bleeding... a fair amount. I called my doctor and she said it could be a few things... an early period, an early miscarriage, or sporadic bleeding... she said to keep my eye on it and if it last more than 5 days and gets heavier to call again... if it goes away after today then its prob just sporadic, unexplained bleeding.

A part of me wondered if it could have been implantation bleeding and cramping, but the nurse said that was unlikely as my beta yesterday didn't show anything... but that was at just 7DPO.

I have cried a lot today... I am beyond frustrated and tired of this shit... Why does it have to be this hard.

I also sometimes feel bad talking to people about it because I hate making people feel awkward and uncomfortable... and I know some people are, they just don't know what to say. I don't want them to say anything- I don't expect anything... just knowing they are there and will listen and be there for me is enough!

I have to run, I am a Girl Guide Troop leader and I am leading tonight's meeting... I will try to block out these cramps...

I will update when I know more....

I O'd... but there is not much hope for a BFP :(

So I O'd on Monday... but DH was gone away all weekend, so the chances of any BFP's this month are pretty slim!! I am so sick of this... beyond sick of it... I need a break!! We will try Clomid one more time... for a total of 7 rounds of Clomid... WOW... 7 rounds!

I am feeling pretty overwhelmed and down this week... I am working crazy hours, worrying about money and people, stressing about all of this baby stuff, feeling sick from a cold I can't shake and I am TIRED!!! Feeling all of these things is making me crave comfort foods... I was bad on the weekend eating pizza a few times... and now all I want is carbs!! I was in such a rotten mood last night I got McDonalds... how horrible!!! and this morning all I want is a nice fresh donut from Tim Hortons to go with the coffee I am going to need in about an hour!! I need to stop myself... I was doing soo good!!

On another note, I started reading a new book called "A few good egg's" It's pretty good and so far I recommend it, I am about 100 pages in. It is written by 2 ladies who have been through infertility and they talk about things the way you would with your girlfriends over coffee... its not like all of the other technical books out there!!

It's my birthday!

So today is my 27th birthday. As I have mentioned my goal/plan was to be pregnant or have a baby by now... but no luck. Instead I am waiting to, dealing with all the clomid and met side effects and fighting a massive cold on top of it. I haven't slept at all this week between coughing, nausea and some horrible hot flashes.

Aside from all of that my birthday has been pretty good... my coworkers decorated my cube, baked me cupcakes and took me out for lunch! I have received many phone calls, texts, emails, and facebook posts wishing me a happy birthday- its been nice! Tonight DH is taking me out for dinner and then shopping to get some new jeans (none of mine fit good due to my weight loss)... I am also going to shop before I meet him as my MIL, FIL, and 2 SIL's gave me some money to go shopping!

well cheers to another year.... and hoping this year will be MUCH better than last!

My Birthday...

So it is my birthday later on this week... 27 on the 27th! In celebration of my champagne birthday DH threw me a little party at our house last Friday. It was so much fun and I was so happy that so many of my close friends made it out!


Here are a few of my fave pics from the night:

CD 12

Well I am on cycle day 12 and these Clomid hot flashes are killing me! I was nauseous for the ENTIRE day yesterday and it kept getting worse with each hot flash... and they seemed to last forever. I tried to just ignore them and keep going because it was Easter and we were out visiting. We also went curling with my mom's family and even on the ice I was sweating! When I finally got home I took a bath and then did my hair... I thought I was going to pass out I felt so nauseous. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me... I was hot and then cold, nauseous and dizzy... it was brutal. I think I maybe got 3 hours total... but very interrupted, I woke up at least once an hour.

DH checked the mail last night when we got home and there was a package for me... I had no idea what it was since I hadn't ordered anything online in awhile... It was from my Nestie TTTC Sister... she sent me a singing card and 2 packages of digital OPK's... so sweet of her and such a nice surprise- she is amazing- thanks again!

So far no O this month... not so patiently waiting... we are just doing TI with the Clomid again this month- I will have a 7DPO P4 test as well. If it doesn't work this month we will try one last cycle on Clomid and then its time to move on... but only after a break for the summer.

Day 3 on Clomid...

So today is day 3 on Clomid... and the side effects have already started! Mostly just hot flashes and not being able to sleep without waking up 100 times! I have also been feeling really nauseous

Other than that I am hoping it will be a good week... It's my birthday party on Friday night- a lot of my friends are coming- I am very excited!! Saturday I am going to see Carrie Underwood... and then on Sunday it's Easter!!

I hope everyone has a good week :)

She's Here...

AF arrived today :(

I am also starting my new prescription today... I asked my doctor awhile ago about switching from regular metformin to an extended release one, she hadn't heard of one, so she put me on avandia... I did some research on it and it doesn't seem right that I would take it for fertility and pregnant women can't take it. So I did some more research and spoke to my pharmacist- he gave me the name of the metformin extended release, I called my doctor- and she sent in a prescription for it... so I start 1000mg of Glumetza at supper tonight!

I will start Clomid again on Saturday- woo freaken hoo.

BFN :(

I woke up this morning and my temp had dropped, I have cramps, I got a BFN and now I am just waiting for AF... I am sure it's just hours away!

THIS SUCKS!!!

New Job...

In the midst of my horrible week I totally forgot to mention I was offered a new job at work... I applied for the position awhile ago, went through all the interviews... and it was offered to me last week. I am really excited about the new job, I think I will enjoy it MUCH more than the job I am currently doing. It is still in the same company and same department, just a much better job!!

Bad week got worse...

So after my bad week last week I was hoping the weekend would be better!! Friday was good, 2 good friends came over and we had a great night! Then Saturday morning I went out with my sister and a friend to pick up her wedding dress... we were at a stop light and were rear ended by a lady driving at high speed... that turned the weekend horrible... My back and head were killing and my neck was sore. DH and I just stayed in Saturday night and relaxed. Sunday morning I woke up and could hardly move my neck... DH brought me to the hospital in town and the doctor said it was whiplash... PLUS, they made me pee in a cup, and they said I am not pregnant... that was at 11DPO. I guess its pretty much over this cycle... I am just waiting for AF to come now to start the next round of Clomid.

P4 Levels are back...

I did O this month... my P4 was 26... which is much better than last month. It seems they also did a Beta at 7DPO... and it was negative. I barely got off the phone before I started crying... I don't know if its too soon for a beta or not, but its so discouraging. My eyes are stinging and I just want to curl up in a ball... this sucks!!

I had messaged DH before my doctor called and asked him to pick me up some ice cream and cookie dough... I am having a rotten week and now an even more rotten day... I need to cheat on my diet tonight and indulge in my favourite treats.

:( Feeling down today.

I went for my P4 test yesterday- I didn't get my normal lab tech, instead I got this BRUTAL woman who left me with a fantastic bruise!! I will call my doctors office this afternoon to see what the results were... I am guessing the levels will be high because my temps are way up. I am also unbelievably tired- and this generally happens when my progesterone levels are high.

I am also really emotional this week, it is driving me crazy!! I spun out on my way to work yesterday and a big truck almost hit me... I started screaming and crying in the car, I then called DH and told him I couldn't do this drive again next year- we had to move. (I drive an hour to work on back country roads). Today I drove in through a snow storm to get to work for a few meetings- and when I got here they all got cancelled... I was not impressed at all!! I haven't been feeling too great this week, bad stomach pains Monday, and then yesterday and again today my back is killing, only on my right side, but its bad- I slept with a hot water bottle last night. I have had the burning feeling behind my eyes that I am about to cry all week too- I watched a tv show last night and bawled like a baby- its rediculous!!

I talked to a friend this morning that I haven't talked to in awhile, he was saying him and his wife don't see much of me anymore... I know this is true, because I haven't been calling them really... They have 2 kids now- a 2 year old and a baby that's a few months old... it is hard to see them and hang out with them- they started trying for #2 awhile after we started trying and boom... just happened for them... its tough! A few of our friends have kids now- and they are all adorable and wonderful, and I love to see them, but I feel so sad after too!

My birthday is coming up, 27... My goal when DH and I got married was to have a baby or be pregnant by my 27th birthday... Its not looking too promising :( DH is having a birthday party for me on Easter weekend, it should be fun, and I am looking forward to it... but I found out today our friends are all bringing their kids- which is fine, I just hope I don't get sad or upset that day. And its not like I can ask our friends not to bring their kids, especially because a few of my aunts are invited and I am sure they will bring their kids- which is fine with me- I love seeing my little cousins... its just different with my friends and their kids... not sure why, it just is. I know that makes no sense!

Well I should get back to work... just needed to get my thoughts/frustrations out!

I Did O... now 3DPO

I am in the 2ww... after the temp spike on Wednesday I had another HUGE spike today... so I definitely O'd. I will go in on Tuesday for my 7DPO P4 test to see how good it was.

Let the 2ww begin... test date is on March 13th, I will never last that long!

I think I O'd...

Yesterday I had the most positive OPK I have ever had- the line went dark right away- and stayed WAY darker than the control line... I also had all the other symptoms and even a dull achy pain on my right side. Then this morning my temp spiked... I hope it stays up!! I really hope this month is the month... my birthday is coming up and it would be amazing... we could tell our parents at Easter and then the rest of our family and friends on mothers day... it would be perfect. I do this every month- picture when we would tell people and how... I guess it gives me something to look forward to.

I have also had a few baby dreams lately... which hasn't happened in a long time! I went into babies r us on Friday to get a gift for my cousin's first birthday- and I ended up wandering around thinking and looking at all the cribs, playards, strollers and clothes... I saw a few couples there planning their registry, and I wanted so bad for that to be me! Needless to say I left a little bit sad.

Not too much to update...

Well it is cycle day 10 and the Clomid seems to be working... well at least the side effects are very prominent, lol. I got a positive OPK last night- the test line was much strong than the control line. Seems really early though- that was just day 9. My first cycle on Clomid I O'd on day 11... so who knows! I really hope this cycle works, as I do every cycle, but its my birthday next month and it would be really really great to already be pregnant and not spend my birthday wishing I was!

I started last night with a personal trainer at my gym... and I got my butt kicked... worked out so hard it hurts to walk today! I feel great though... my weight loss is going so good, almost 30lbs now, still more to go, but I am feeling pretty good! Now I just want to get toned and work on a few key areas!! Weight loss is supposed to help with PCOS as well... so fingers crossed!!

Smiles :)

I hate CLOMID!

I can officially say I hate Clomid... it is kicking my ass (pardon the language).

This month the side effects have stared on Day 3 of clomid... as opposed to day 7.... and WOW are they beating me up! I feel naseous and kinda light headed, I am very emotional and am already having extreme hot flashes! I know all of these are "normal" side effects, but really they are not normal!!

I am trying to stay positive, trying to hope and pray for the best, but its not easy!!

I am very thankful for my great friends and family who help me stay positive and get me through this!

Thats all for now :)
Thanks!