Big News and New Blog

I am pregnant!! I wrote on here I had to take a break because I wasn't ready for some people IRL who read my blog to know yet... but I believe all of them know now! I put the whole story of my very surprising BFP in the new blog.

My new blog address is: http://ssfreitas.blogspot.com/

Taking A Break

So... after everything we have been through lately... and the surgery coming up June 3rd... we have decided to take a break until then!

No temping, no clomid, no TI... Just taking a break!

I wont be updating my blog until after that :)

Thanks everyone for your support!

No idea whats going on...

I posted earlier saying I was sure it was AF... now I am not sure at all... this is nothing like AF normally is... its almost black... its brutal. The cramping went away for a bit this afternoon and evening with the help of some Tylenol and aspirin... but it is back tonight- bad... I hate it!

So basically I just have no idea what is going on... the more I read online and talk to people it seems like this is an early miscarriage, and the levels might have been too low to pick up on my 7 DPO blood test... but I will never really know...

No idea... sad and confused!

I do want to send a thank you out to all of my close friends and family... as well as my TTTC sister- you guys are amazing- thank you for cheering me up and being so supportive! You all make me feel better in different ways- and it means the world to me! People keep saying I am a strong person to go through this... but I am not, its all of you who are here to support me that let me get through each day and still enjoy life!! Thank you!!

Bad and Good...

So I am still crampy and bleeding... and my temps are down... I think its AF early. We are not going to do meds this month, just wait for my doctor to call and book the surgery.



On a happier note... My aunt sent my flowers to work today with a card that said "Thinking of you, keep up the faith that one day it will happen"... so sweet of her... it made my day... and made me cry. I am really lucky to have such a great family... we are all close, but I am especially close with of few of my aunts!!



Here is a pic of them:

Horrible Horrible day...

I don't know what to do or say...

The day started off good... until my doctors office called and said that they got my 7DPO bw back and my levels were really low (she didn't give me a number), they said that doing another round of Clomid is unlikely to be successful. They want me to have an Ovarian Drilling surgery, within a month. I looked up what the surgery entails and here is what I found:

- Ovarian drilling is a surgery that can trigger ovulation in women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Electrocautery or a laser is used to destroy parts of the ovaries. This surgery is not commonly used. But it can be an option for women who are still not ovulating after losing weight and trying fertility medicines. Ovarian drilling is usually done through small incisions, with general anesthesia. The surgeon makes small incisions in the abdomen at the belly button. The surgeon then places a tube to inflate the abdomen with a small amount of carbon dioxide gas so that he or she can insert the viewing instrument (laparoscope) without damage to the internal organs. The surgeon looks through the laparoscope at the internal organs. Surgical instruments may be inserted through the same incision or other small incisions in the pelvic area.

- Ovarian drilling is sometimes used for women with PCOS who are still not ovulating after trying weight loss and fertility medicine. Destroying part of the ovaries has been reported to restore regular ovulation cycles.-Studies of women with PCOS have shown that ovarian drilling results in an 80% ovulation rate and a 50% pregnancy rate.

- Younger women and those with a body mass index in the normal range are most likely to benefit from laparoscopic ovarian drilling.

I am not crazy about the idea of surgery... but it sounds like it will increase our chances, so I am going to do it. My doctor is scheduling me for an appointment and we are booking the surgery asap.

(the next part may be TMI- if squeemish don't read)...

I was still feeling pretty crappy about the whole idea of surgery this afternoon... and I hadn't been feeling that well all day- I was feeling kinda crampy... well the cramping got worse and I went to the bathroom... only to discover I was bleeding... a fair amount. I called my doctor and she said it could be a few things... an early period, an early miscarriage, or sporadic bleeding... she said to keep my eye on it and if it last more than 5 days and gets heavier to call again... if it goes away after today then its prob just sporadic, unexplained bleeding.

A part of me wondered if it could have been implantation bleeding and cramping, but the nurse said that was unlikely as my beta yesterday didn't show anything... but that was at just 7DPO.

I have cried a lot today... I am beyond frustrated and tired of this shit... Why does it have to be this hard.

I also sometimes feel bad talking to people about it because I hate making people feel awkward and uncomfortable... and I know some people are, they just don't know what to say. I don't want them to say anything- I don't expect anything... just knowing they are there and will listen and be there for me is enough!

I have to run, I am a Girl Guide Troop leader and I am leading tonight's meeting... I will try to block out these cramps...

I will update when I know more....

I O'd... but there is not much hope for a BFP :(

So I O'd on Monday... but DH was gone away all weekend, so the chances of any BFP's this month are pretty slim!! I am so sick of this... beyond sick of it... I need a break!! We will try Clomid one more time... for a total of 7 rounds of Clomid... WOW... 7 rounds!

I am feeling pretty overwhelmed and down this week... I am working crazy hours, worrying about money and people, stressing about all of this baby stuff, feeling sick from a cold I can't shake and I am TIRED!!! Feeling all of these things is making me crave comfort foods... I was bad on the weekend eating pizza a few times... and now all I want is carbs!! I was in such a rotten mood last night I got McDonalds... how horrible!!! and this morning all I want is a nice fresh donut from Tim Hortons to go with the coffee I am going to need in about an hour!! I need to stop myself... I was doing soo good!!

On another note, I started reading a new book called "A few good egg's" It's pretty good and so far I recommend it, I am about 100 pages in. It is written by 2 ladies who have been through infertility and they talk about things the way you would with your girlfriends over coffee... its not like all of the other technical books out there!!

It's my birthday!

So today is my 27th birthday. As I have mentioned my goal/plan was to be pregnant or have a baby by now... but no luck. Instead I am waiting to, dealing with all the clomid and met side effects and fighting a massive cold on top of it. I haven't slept at all this week between coughing, nausea and some horrible hot flashes.

Aside from all of that my birthday has been pretty good... my coworkers decorated my cube, baked me cupcakes and took me out for lunch! I have received many phone calls, texts, emails, and facebook posts wishing me a happy birthday- its been nice! Tonight DH is taking me out for dinner and then shopping to get some new jeans (none of mine fit good due to my weight loss)... I am also going to shop before I meet him as my MIL, FIL, and 2 SIL's gave me some money to go shopping!

well cheers to another year.... and hoping this year will be MUCH better than last!