BFN @ 10 DPO :(

I got a BFN this morning with my FMU.... I am at 10 DPO today... my temp dipped at 8 DPO. I don't know how reliable the test was, this is my first cycle using the Internet cheapies from saveonetests.com... I don't know how sensitive they are!

I have not really been reading into any symptoms and for some reason I don't have too much hope this cycle. I have been really down this whole cycle, can't seem to get happy... I feel like crying every time I think about still not being pregnant... everyone else I know who has been trying is already pregnant... and it happened so easy for them :(

Today is just a very sad day... luckily DH could sense how down I am and we are going on a little date tonight... he was away all week on training and only came home last night... I am really looking forward to it, dinner and my choice of a movie!

I O'd on CD 44... 7DPO Progesterone at 13.9. I just got the call from my doctors office... she said it was a weak ovulation, but I did O... she also said that last cycles progesterone level of 77.9 was most likely caused by the large cysts I had.

Its 8 DPO now and I am really trying hard not to look into every "symptom"... This is our last chance at a 2007 BFP...

Finally I O'd- I am in the 2ww.

That is all I have to say today, just so glad to finally be in the 2ww.

I had an absolutely horrible night last night! The day started off so good, I was in such a good mood and so excited for a concert at night. The company I work for rented out the ACC in Toronto for a private surprise concert, turns out it was Van Halen and The Tragically Hip. DH and I met some of my coworkers in Toronto, about an hour from where we live. I started feeling ill on the way down, just a stomach ache. By the time we got to the restaurant I had to run to the bathroom to get sick, the pain in my abdomen got worse and worse and I couldn't stop getting sick... DH and I decided there was no way I would make it through the concert so we got back in the car and headed home. Once in the car the pain got so bad I was getting sick in a bag and bawling. We decided to try to get home and go to the hospital in town... DH drove so fast all the way and we made it in record time- me curled up in a ball the entire drive. Once we got to the emerg and I was triage I had x-rays done, a urine sample completed and blood tests... the pain started to ease and they let me go home... the doctor said that he thought it was a cyst that burst... they couldn't be sure until the morning when I could have an ultrasound. I went back this morning first thing and had a pelvic, abdominal and internal ultrasound... the doctor reviewed everything and said he is 99% sure it was a cyst bursting on my right ovary... he said there are multiple cysts and extra fluid. I am pretty sore today- just really achy on my right side.

I could not believe the pain I was in... I have felt nothing like that before!

It also happened with pretty bad timing... aside from the missed concert my aunt is going out of town this weekend and I am watching her 8 month old son until Sunday night- I picked him up this morning! AND... when I finally got home last night I did an OPK and it was positive... can you believe it... I for sure was not doing any BD'ing last night... and tonight we have the baby... I am going to have to put his playard in the spare room or the hall, hahaha.

Happy Friday!

Today was just a bad day... I have a cold, sore throat, I was nauseous, and very emotional, It hit me all at once! I was sitting at my desk working away and all the sudden I felt horrible- I got so emotional because I was feeling so sick- tears started running down my cheeks at work! I emailed my boss, let her know I was feeling horrible and I left. As soon as I got in the car I lost it, I started sobbing, uncontrollably! I called DH and had him so worried, he thought I was in some kind of an accident or something... I felt really bad after. It took me just under an hour to get home and when I finally did I crashed on my bed- cried myself to sleep and my puppy curled up beside me. My mom called later to see if I was ok- my best friend had called when I was driving and she was worried and called my mom... my mom proceeded to ask if I could be pregnant- i almost yelled into the phone that I wish that was why I was feeling so shitty and emotional, but its trying to get pregnant that is doing this to me!

I am so sick of feeling sick and so sick of all of this shit...

I was so happy when DH got home, he made me chicken soup and cuddled with me on the couch... he is wonderful! I am really trying to look at all the positives- DH and I have got so close because of all this IF stuff, he is the most wonderful man!

oh... and still no O :(

If I don't get it soon I am going to call my Dr and get some prometrium to get the next cycle started- this is ridiculous!

I read this in someone's blog and so many of them really hit home! It really made me think how much my life has changed over the last year.

You Might Be Infertile If...
...you'll do anything to fight the urge to sneeze because you're afraid your ovaries might explode. ...you're having hot flashes before you're 30.
...the word "relax" actually makes you more tense.
...your crotch has seen more action from an RE [reproductive endocrinologist] than your DH [dear husband].
...you're afraid to go "number two" after an IUI [Intrauterine Insemination] for fear of pushing out the spermies.
...when you go to the obgyn you don't have to use the calendar when they ask you the date of your last period.
... you shave your legs for your RE appts but not for your DH.
... you know the pharmacists by name.
... you can't plan anything in advance because it might be CD3.
... you take more medications than your parent or grandparents.
... the thought of the holidays makes you nauseous for fear of inevitable questions and yet another pg announcement.
... it's "if" this or that works and not "when" it will work.
... you refuse to paint the future nursery for fear of jinxing yourself.
... you cried on Halloween seeing all those adorable costumes on the little one's and their pg mothers.
...your DH has seen ultrasounds of your uterus and ovaries. (Is it bad that he thought the ultrasound wand looked like a giant joystick?!?!?!).
...you know what ovary likes to ovulate better than your RE and the nurse that does your u/s every month.
...you have more drugs than a heroine addict.
...you have lengthy discussions about the status of your cervical mucus.
...you are frequently violated with a huge plastic wand -- by your nurse.
... you speak to your RE in T-TTC acronyms.
...your husband doesn't think it's weird when you stand on your head after sex because who knows -- this might just be the ONE time you could get pregnant without the help of a team of specialists.
...KY is banned in your household as it kills sperm.
...you have forgotten what spontaneity is.
...your husband is tired of masturbating in clinics and complains about friction burns from having to do it too often (bad, I know!).
...you actually get excited over shots.
...when someone says what day is it to day and you start to answer CD [cycle day] whatever and have to catch yourself.
...you DH knows more about the your monthly cycle than your primary care Dr.
...everytime you go to the bathroom you check CM [cervical mucus].
...you live you life 2 weeks at a time.
...you met your insurance deductible for the year....in your first month of testing with the RE.
...when you'd rather have an internal u/s RATHER than have bloodwork done.
... if you remember special events by what day of your cycle they fell on!
...when you see the letters IF, you think "infertility" and not "if".
...if you have forgotten a CD is also an actual object containing music, or a type of investment, and not just a date.
...if you walk around work grabbing your boobs like it's no big deal and the guy in your department starts winking at you.

Not too much to report today, I upped my Metformin yesterday, I am now taking one pill at lunch and one at supper. I feel horrible this morning- very nauseous! Some good news is that I have lost 5lbs since starting the met a week ago- and I didn't change what I was eating too much- I lowered the white carbs because they tend to make me feel a little worse.

I hosted a couples baby shower on Saturday- it was nice! It was a lot of work, but I think the couple it was for were very happy and grateful!

I am still debating going to DH's 16 year old cousins baby's baptism- I have to let my MIL know this weekend! I really don't want to go- we are not even invited to the church- just to the party after- and they have rented a hall... it seems a little large to me! I know none of this is the babies fault- but like i have said before- everything has been handed to them on a silver platter and there have been no repercussions for not telling anyone that they were pregnant. My in laws are so happy there is a baby in the family and that this is the first great grandchild for my MIL's parents. I don't know what I should do, DH thinks we should go... but that means we have to buy them another gift! Things are tight with Christmas coming and saving for all the IF stuff... Anyone have any thoughts on what I should do??

Oh, and still no O!! Will it ever come?

Happy Monday everyone!